“Mum, can you lend me twenty Quid?” What drugs did to my family

The above is the title of a wonderful, inspirational true story of a mother’s nightmare with her much loved sons, and how drugs eventually resulted in a mother’s worse fear with the death of one of her twins from heroin. The book is written by Elizabeth Burton-Phillips.

I came upon it by chance last week while walking up an aisle in W.H.Smiths. The title hit me hard in the stomach, and I picked it up to explore. Then I realised I had seen this brave lady on the T.V. a few years ago and thought at the time, “WOW” we need more people like her. With her pain and strength to carry the message for other families, loved ones, addicts and the professionals.

I even contacted her by e-mail as I felt humbled to read the book, unaware there was such a book she had written. She in turn replied with a very caring response.

I finished the book last night and recommend it for all to read, ISBN 978-0-7499-5172-6, recommended cost £8.99p. [You can also get it at Amazon, for £6.69]

The APPENDIX at the back is full, I mean totally full, of organisations and contacts for support including Daily Dose. There are many poems and hard painful ones, statements from many. I wish just to write two, one from a unknown prisoner and one from Elizabeth when the time came in her life to bring in “Tough Love!”

“A poem written by a unknown prisoner”

I will seduce you and make you a slave,
I’ve sent men stronger than you to the grave.
You think you could never become a disgrace,
And end up addicted to poppy seed waste.

So you’ll start to inhale one afternoon,
Then you’ll take me into your arms very soon.
And once I’ve entered deep into your veins,
Your life will never be quite the same.

You’ll need lots of money as you’ve been told,
For, darling, I am more expensive than gold.
You’ll swindle your mother without thought or fear,
You’ll let your child starve if it gets you “Gear”.

You’ll mug and you’ll steal for my venomous charm,
The day when you know the monster you’ve grown,
You’ll silently promise to leave me alone.

You’ll think that you’ve got the mystical knack,
Well, sweetie, try getting me of your back.
The vomit, the cramps, your guts in a knot,
Your trembling nerves scream just for one more shot.

Hot sweats, the cold chills, the withdrawal pains,
Can only be stopped by those little grains.
There’s no other way, there’s no need to look,
For deep down inside you’ll know you are hooked.

You’ll give up morals, your conscience, and heart,
And you will be mine till death do us part.
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I have never heard this poem before and it brought home the hard and harsh facts of drugs, alcohol and addiction, “Till death do us part!”

The painful decision for Elizabeth Burton-Phillips I can only imagine as I have no parents. It must have been the worst thing a mother has to face. I feel I want to write her poem as a tribute to Simon, her son who died. Yet she has shown herself to be a brave, courageous lady who, in many ways, couldn’t sink any lower than she had.
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“Tough Love”

One day, it just happened
The hope died, the dream was gone
I realised I had done everything
There is now nothing more I can do.

Thousands and thousands of pounds
Lost to drugs, to dealers and to pins in arms,
Our house about to be remortgaged
So many times our lives have been wrecked.
My decision to break with my sons where made.

It’s been like I imagine it to be in war
A battle, but charging at your own life to save it
And yet, trying too, to save the lives of others.
Eventually you win or lose.
I have lost everything – except a mother’s love for her sons.

I lay my head upon the pillow so many times
Water – can you call it tears? – pours from my eyes
In my mind I plan their funerals, choose the music,
The hymns, the readings and who I will ask to be there.
The dream has gone, I knew it would in the end.

I remember, through flash backs, those certain special times
The day they had their first bikes, the times we went skiing,
The love, the cuddles, the laughter
The mother I was, now replaced with an inner scream of pain
As I know my sons are near to death.

They know, whenever they die, that I loved them-
I cared for them, I did everything I could for them
But my dreams for them have already died
In pain, not ever really to be cried.

Author: Elizabeth Burton-Phillips, from her book
“Mum, can you lend me twenty quid?” (What drugs did to my family)
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I will not elaborate any further on her book, other than it costs less than a fix of any drug, has been recommended from Judges who wept, Gordon Brown, and many influential individuals. I also am recommending it to all on this site.

In so many ways we, the addicts family and loved ones and the caring professionals, have many similarities! “A wound that is physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual, a wound so profound and individual, the connection with the mother, family and loved ones is painful, seems mystical, mysterious, spiritual and ever lasting.”

Dear Elizabeth is strengthening the message to other families and loved ones, like this site is achieving, slowly but surely there will be a time when “We are only strong when we are all undivided.”

Nobody should ever feel they are on their own, carry shame guilt and fear in their hearts. This book is helping to break the silence and offering so much hope to all who wish to read it.

Thank you, Elizabeth Burton-Phillips. Best Wishes to you and your family and all on this site.