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I was reading a comment on another blog earlier where one poster apparently in a fit of the vapours (a state which I’ve been a little prone to myself at times) laid out some on-the-face-of-it judgmental attitudes and words towards other contributors.
This reminded me of my own special talent…
I was born with a rare genetic quirk. Like the characters in “Heroes” I have a superpower that gives me a distinct advantage over the rest of peoplekind.
I can see bad people.
That’s it. My quirk. I can see at a glance what your problems are; where you are going wrong; what you could do better and why you are so so stuck in life.
And just to stun you a little further – I know you are now lost in wonder at my skills- I also have the responsibility to pass this onto you so that you can improve yourself. Surely that’s what you want?
Well, actually this power kinda fizzled out in recovery. As you can imagine, it might be interpreted as a little grandiose, a tad arrogant, a bit hypocritical. In active addiction I was pretty much at the centre of my own universe and had a wonderful defence mechanism for avoiding my own behaviours; I got interested in yours instead.
Seeing you as worse than me allowed me to carry on with behaviours that I myself found unacceptable. At least I’m not like him. You get the picture.
My recovery programme teaches me to keep my own side of the street clean and not to stray to yours. Now that took an enormous amount of learning from me.
Learning about honesty, humility and compassion for instance. I still find it hard. it helps me to keep track of where I am and what’s going on for me in the form of a journal. Instead of turning the spotlight on others, I had to learn how to be self-reflective.
I’m still learning.
Good point, Androcles. Now get back to your side of the street…
Thanks Androcles, yes I am still learning too and hope I always can.
Through many years of practice of this I am acutely aware of my own faults, sometimes I want to admit them, sometimes I rationalise and justify them…… sometimes I let people In particular people who practice this learning as a way of life to show me where I am at fault, sometimes (more often than in the beginning) I listen and learn and sometimes I don’t.
What I do, do every single day is remain true to myself, this gives me great strength not only to understand and forgive myself but also to treat others with this generosity of insight and understanding of all human frailties. What it does not allow me to do though is excuse or accept the unacceptable…. this also has changed the longer I practice the rigorous self inventory process and as I become healthier it can only be of benefit to those around me, it may make them uncomfortable and some may not understand…… but it is only I who loses sleep if I don’t do it. The consequences of not doing it for me are at best very uncomfortable and a worst I believe fatal if only to my spirit.
Thanks for this wee reminder and affirmation.
Big hug x
Am
‘Keep your side clear’ – one of the best suggestions I’ve ever recieved in recovery. The alternative Step 10 – Continued to take other people’s inventory and when they were wrong promtly told them :)
Shame that judging other people doesn’t make me well. Would be saintly by now if it did! So easy to see where everyone else is going wrong and not instinctual to see my own faults. Moi?
Another manifestation of black and white, all or nothing thinking. Deeply flawed perfectionism.
This reminds me of a lot of wasted time in re-hab focussing on others to distract from oneself and the reassurance i got from staff as like you i was good at fixing others helped me waste valuable fix me time, ironically the re-hab was called Inward house the title enphasising the need to look inward at your self
