Blogging to stay sober

Well, although I don’t have much news and this won’t be my usual drama performance which I know you all enjoy so much, I am blogging anyway just to remain sober. I know being such a recluse is part of what drove me to relapse the last time, so I am making more of an effort to be out in the community again.

Work is extremely stressful and I’m putting in easily 80 hour work weeks. I can’t really complain as everyone at my company is doing the same. We’re just growing faster than we can keep up and we’re a bunch of workaholics anyway.

Still, I am rather burnt out. I haven’t had a full day off in several months. My boss tells me this will eventually end, but I’ve talked to other people in the company and it’s been like this for them for years. It’s just the nature of our company, I believe.

I do love my job otherwise it wouldn’t be bearable… and I am paid fairly well with good bonuses and benefits. With the economy the way it is it would not be wise to look for another job, so I’m just plugging on the best I can and hoping eventually for a good long rest.

My dear M has still not been transferred to a state prison and his depression/anger is growing. He hasn’t been outside or seen the sky in over a year now. I keep writing perfumed letters and sending pictures two to three times a week to keep him sane.

I’m afraid he’ll snap and act out in rage, and end up in solitary. I also worry about where they will send him when they finally do. The one maximum security state prison in my state is notoriously dangerous and corrupt.

Sometimes I get angry thinking if I could just afford a good criminal attorney for him, there might be the chance that we could either appeal and get him released on a technicality, or at least get him into a lower security prison, or his sentence reduced. It’s frustrating to know I can do nothing for him. I say the serenity prayer a lot LOL.

Some good things in my life though… I planted a garden in the back of my townhouse. The flowers are beautiful and I like sitting out there in the evening, when the sweltering Florida summer heat is not quite as bad. I also painted my back office wall upstairs the most beautiful burnt orange color, like fall leaves.

I’m usually partial to blues, but after my divorce I somehow managed to decorate my entire house in fall colors – deep reds and oranges and golds and olives. It’s really, really pretty now that it’s come together completely. My office looks like a sunset.

So on a whole, I’m doing okay. Going to meetings, working out like a maniac at the gym, eating healthier, trying to get more socially involved. I found a few writing meetups and am trying to meet new people.

Sorry, I know this lacks my usual flair with words but I’ve literally had to grind out this blog entry under duress as I didn’t feel like sharing, but knew it would be good for me. Thanks again to everyone for the continued support and I’ll blog again soon.
T- over and out.