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I am back. I started my blog a few months ago – but stopped. Coz I f***ed up. And when you relapse you don’t do things like write blogs. I am part of a service user group, a committed member without it I am nothing.
It was the service user manager that noticed a track mark on my wrist. It’s funny – you think you are a master of disguise but I was busted. The marvellous thing about service user involvement is that we have all been there, got the t-shirt, the scars, the limp and we can’t fool each other.
Hence I stood back, stopped denying I was ‘stable’ and admitted I was using. Got my script whacked back up to 80mls and ain’t looked back. As the weeks went on I got more involved with the group.
I bought a bicycle and the strangest thing happened. I was getting the same rush riding my bike as I did shooting up. The council moved me into a bungalow (previously I lived in the worst area for a recovering addict). The circle was broken and I chose not to make any connections.
I have a garden, have decorated and put all my time into service user involvement and ain’t got a minute to ‘romanticise’ about drug taking. I am finally using my brain to provide better drug treatment to all in my area. I have written a newsletter on harm reduction.
At the moment I am having a wee holiday by the sea. Still I am stable for real this time and this is my message. “We all fall down sometimes, but when we get up we are never standing in the same place. We move a little further towards Recovery, swings and roundabouts.”
peace out haylz xxx
Haylz – brilliant to hear from you and a great blog. There is so much pressure around lapses or relapses. It seems to be seen as more shameful than having an addiction in the first place. Which is pretty bonkers if you think about it.
Which is why your message is so good – hopefully people will listen.
A long road? Reckon you’ll get there quicker on a bike!
Nice blog Haylz. I love the annalogy of falling over, and finding that you are standing in a different place when you get back up.
Good luck mate, and keep upright. Karl.
Im in a similar position , just went from 6ml subutex to 70 ml methadon in a 6 week messup , I had it all goin well , finished my music coarse at college and went for the home detox and all went downhill , but its given me a solid state of mind as regards to dabbling, , thanks for your post on hep C and treatment …I would like to keep in touch and Ive no idea what the book you mentioned is , (blue book) …..keep your head up and soldier on
