Hi Mandy

Hi Mandy,

What you’re saying is the way I felt years ago when I had to take the steps of putting my daughter out the door. It was the most upsetting, horrible thing I have had to do in my life..

The only drugs I am on are the ones that I have to take – antidepressants and thyroxin. I am really boring too, don’t drink. Although sometimes I think it would be nice to just drink away my nightmares, but hey, what is the point of that? I would only end up sick or have a hangover in the morning.

I was so upset the last time my daughter was down because of the way she was. I have told her how proud I was of her, how proud I was in with the way she is living, and telling her that she was the daughter I have been fighting to get back.

But that week was a shock. I wanted to get a hold of her and give her a good shake. Tell her that she is hurting me, but what was the point. She wouldn’t have been able to remember.

You’re doing what I used to do. Things would be going well and I would be sitting there waiting for the BANG… and my god it always happened. I couldn’t plan for the next day, never mind the next hour or next five minutes…

My hubby suffers from a condition called dysthymia, I think that is how it’s spelt. It’s a long-time depression. When someone says to you, “Look at a number and tell me how you feel’, and you might say I feel like a 10. Well, my hubby’s good day is about a 3…

It’s due to his army time in Ireland and the Falklands. He was a medic and had to go to bombings in Ireland and deal with casualties in Falklands

Anyway, he gets paranoid when things like this happen. His idea is well she has f****d up and that is that over and done with. She can’t come down, cut her out.

It’s not as easy as that unfortunately. If I do that, she might just end up going backwards.

Trying to get him to understand that someone rehabilitating might fall back, but as long as they get back on the horse and work at it again, that is the main thing.

It would be different if she was staying with us. Then it would be really hard, but she only comes to stay with us over a weekend every second weekend, and then I meet her in the town every second Wednesday for shopping.

I am as weak too Mandy, but I have learned to put up barriers to stop that happening. Although I did lower them, but now they are back up as high as ever, which I hate.

I have met so many lovely people on this site and my god I wish I had this site years ago as its like having a family. The good thing is they all know how it feels when others outside don’t..

Stay strong.