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I was a long term drug user, really a textbook progression from cannabis to heroin, the only difference is the ending.
After using dope and acid, which I must say was a drug I loved, my disease really progressed very quickly and I became strung out on gear. My mother helped me get a script for methadone (which I feel really was the drug which messed me up) and the nitghtmare of having a full blown habit took hold.
I guess I just thought this was my lot. I had my first baby at 19 and thought this might sort me out. Of course it didn’t and I ended up losing custody of him to my mother when he was three years old .
My life slowly became more and more entrenched in the drug world – shop-lifting, buying, selling and finding ways and means to get more .I had heard of Narcotics Anonymous but I never thought people like me got clean. This was reinforced by doctors and key workers who kept telling me I had used for too long and should just stick to my script.
At 27 I had my second child. He stayed with me and is the person who I owe most amends to. Our relationship today has healed a lot, but it’s been a painful process.
Anyway 23 years passed. I had become very ill and my liver was by now totally knackered. I needed a liver transplant and there was no chance of that as I was drinking and using on a massive scale.
Eventually I became more scared of dying than of giving up the drugs. I surrendered and went into a treatment centre. My withdarwal was unbelieveably hard – I was on180mls plus of methadone and had been on that kind of amount for years.
It was like waking up out of a coma. I had no idea that I had become so shut down – suddenly I could see. I was like a little kid, I remember taking one of the nurses to look at the dragonflies, I couldnt believe the size of them. All my senses started to return, taste was an amazing thing – having an orange was unreal.
Unfortunately my liver was so badly damaged that, after treatment, I ended up in hospital. I was put on the liver transplant list and the hardest part of my recovery began. Waiting for my liver, constantly being in and out of intensive care .
Then the day arrived, a liver had become available. I was scared to death but very relieved. After 12 hours of surgery I had another chance at life.I caught MRSA and that was really painful and l had to have morphine for the pain. And of course that was hard, I just wanted MORE.
The liver transplant was a huge success and its been nearly four years . I was loved back to life by NA and my family. And by staying involved with NA and building relationships with other recovering addicts my life has been transformed.
I’m writing this on my first shift at my new job at a womens hostel.I am trusted to be in charge of 18 young women. I love being clean – it’s hard work but so worth it.
What can I say – an utterly amazing story and brilliantly written. I particularly like the way you say that you were loved back to life. Had a little bit of a sniffle at that one.
I cant thank you enough for sharing this – it will have an impact on anyone who reads it.
(Also an apology – I realise that you wrote this on the 6th but for some reason it has only just hit my inbox, hence the delay. Hope the new job is going well, am sure that it is).
Sharon,
Fantastic blog – experience, strength and hope jumps out of the screen – more please! Also, I see you from your profile you are in Cambridge. Have you been to any Eastern Region recovery events? Is there a Recovery Forum in your region? I will also ask my NTA colleagues in the Eastern region. If there isnt, it might be worth suggesting some kind of Eastern Region Recovery event in the near future. We must do all we can to make choice available and challenge doctors and key workers who tell people they should just stick to their script.
Thanks for sharing your story Sharon – and I love the end line – ‘It’s hard work but worth it’! Brilliant. Well done and I look forward to reading more of your blogs
Thanks Sharon for your fantastic blog, just really great to read your story this morning and to have it affirmed again that recovery is possible, recovery is real!
All the best in your new job and in everything you do…..I agree, oranges are amazing.
Sharon the lie is dead we do recovery even those of us who most would write off as hopeless. You are a living testament to many of us who seek recovery, and i am very proud to be your fellow recovering addict. You will be an amazing power of example in your work place and community, thankyou so much for sharing with us and please keep us posted as your journey continues.
Big hug
Am
Quite a journey Sharon; thanks for blogging about it. Like you, a key part of recovery for me was building relationships with other recovering people and learning from them. There is a well of collective wisdom around the meetings and in my early days I soaked it up like a sponge.
Good luck with the job.
Sharron, have only just joined and am back tracking on blogs, WOW, pucker blog! what a real trooper you are. For me to read your blog was really emotional and uplifting.
Well done in all you have so far achieved, wish you all the best with the new job, lyou have alot of strength and wisdom and many will learn from you at the hostel.
All that is going though my head is that you are a very special and unique individual. Thanks for the blog.
