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I can’t seem to do anything by halves. If something in life interests me or, heavens forbid, causes me any hint of pleasure, I have to hammer the derriere out of it. Even now, with a fair bit of recovery under my belt, I find myself obsessed with a few things. Like email; text messages; news items; recovery; work; food (chocolate and more chocolate); coffee; tea; people…
If I get a cold, I think it’s double pneumonia, if someone doesn’t phone, it’s because they don’t like me. Not only am I obsessive, I have a range of qualifications in catastrophising as well. If you need some bleak predictions, drop by and I can come up with a forecast that will scare the heebie jeebies out of you.
I find balance so hard to achieve. I heard somebody say at a mutual aid meeting once: “balance is something addicts see for a microsecond as they blast through it accelerating from one extreme to another”. I really identified with that.
One of the short phrases or slogans you sometimes hear at meetings is “easy does it”. Might as well have been written in Serbo-Croat when I first came across it, but I see the wisdom in it now and I’ve learned (up to a point) to put the brakes on and not to give myself and my mind such a hard time. There are ways to do this including being aware, checking my thinking out with other people, and to choosing balance and variety when I see familiar patterns arising.
Works for me. (Some of the time…)
Know what you mean – my out of controlness manifests itself as a physical feeling, very close to panic or mania.
I know when it comes on I have to stop what I am doing and breathe. Which solves the strange bluish tinge and gives me a bit or perspective back.
Interesting, is life-balance something we can learn?
I believe that many of us feel this need to be occupied by something, I am trying desperately to find a few hours during each day when I can be happy just enjoying my own company, listening to music, watching TV etc.
A period of the day when I need not worry, I’m definitely making progress, but still suffer from the emotions you and Michaela describe. With a father who was a workaholic for the best part of 30 years, and a mother who makes up in the middle of the night in a state of panic and worry, I sometimes wonder whether I am just genetically pre-disposed to this kind of “need to think too much”.
Then again, nether parent has experienced recovery, which I believe gives me a slightly different perspective as to the things that are worth my energy.
Have you tried CBT or REBT?
Might be worth a go if it’s bothering you.
Matt
oh wow,that’s just tickled me,it’s when you begin to thinks “that’s me that is!” there’s always going to be something to get to the bottom of, it’s just the pace in which we choose(?) to do it,if in doubt flat out is usually the way, but this for me seems to be very much a part of who i am i was flat out using now i am flat out clean…really clean and i used the obsessing to beast myself out of the pit but where does it stop i’m not sure either i’m quite straight to the point and bold if i loose this behavior will it change who i am?or will i learn to manage it?
I don’t think you change who you are – you just kind of manage things better as you go along.
I still am pretty full on and can’t see that changing. But I am better at not going completely manic. In the old days someone once described me as a “demented bee” – they were right. Today am more of an ex-demented bee who has the odd flashback.
I’m sure you’ve accepted this is a “NORMAL” trait for many of us in recovery, another statement that hit me “keep it simple” easy to say but to do “WOW” that’s hard.
I think many of us are in the same boat I get nervos every time I get an idiea about somthing.More biscuts sweets cakes followed by a strict diet . Easy dos it only after I complicate things the sun shines and Ollie thinks emm I know a moter bike for the summer then a wee voice comes and says. but you have never driven one. Keep it simple I think not.But its okay thats what I say.
OllieThanks so much for the feedback and comments. As usual (and with no sense of irony of course) I’m exaggerating my lack of balance for the impact factor. Most of the time these days I can act as if I’m a balanced human being even if the emotions are screwy.
CBT has helped many Wired In members and I respect that. It has been a pretty limited tool for me personally (which is kind of ironic as I use it with clients!). I was really cognitive and stuck in my own head. CBT made a lot of sense, but little difference.
I needed much more spiritual solution; a sort of language and intervention of the heart.
Keep it simple; easy does it – good advice. Balance is here today and for that I’m grateful.
