And so once the drugs have gone meetings, sponsoring, helping the newcomer working the steps – all good. Life gets better, much better, learn to drive, get a job, make friends.

But still deep yearning and the wanting of what? Somewhere the wonder of the magic of life. How does one obtain it?

I think the capacity for love, softness, compassion, and warmth will come. Patience, no urgency, just allowing it to come . But my addict has no patience and wants it right now. More will be revealed spiritually, the unraveling of life happens whatever. Just take our hands off the wheel and let go, no forcing it. Allow it to happen, keep the faith. Take it easy but take it.

lvs hugs

After using dope and acid, which I must say was a drug I loved, my disease really progressed very quickly and I became strung out on gear. My mother helped me get a script for methadone (which I feel really was the drug which messed me up) and the nitghtmare of having a full blown habit took hold.

I guess I just thought this was my lot. I had my first baby at 19 and thought this might sort me out. Of course it didn’t and I ended up losing custody of him to my mother when he was three years old .

My life slowly became more and more entrenched in the drug world – shop-lifting, buying, selling and finding ways and means to get more .I had heard of Narcotics Anonymous but I never thought people like me got clean. This was reinforced by doctors and key workers who kept telling me I had used for too long and should just stick to my script.

At 27 I had my second child. He stayed with me and is the person who I owe most amends to. Our relationship today has healed a lot, but it’s been a painful process.

Anyway 23 years passed. I had become very ill and my liver was by now totally knackered. I needed a liver transplant and there was no chance of that as I was drinking and using on a massive scale.

Eventually I became more scared of dying than of giving up the drugs. I surrendered and went into a treatment centre. My withdarwal was unbelieveably hard – I was on180mls plus of methadone and had been on that kind of amount for years.

It was like waking up out of a coma. I had no idea that I had become so shut down – suddenly I could see. I was like a little kid, I remember taking one of the nurses to look at the dragonflies, I couldnt believe the size of them. All my senses started to return, taste was an amazing thing – having an orange was unreal.

Unfortunately my liver was so badly damaged that, after treatment, I ended up in hospital. I was put on the liver transplant list and the hardest part of my recovery began. Waiting for my liver, constantly being in and out of intensive care .

Then the day arrived, a liver had become available. I was scared to death but very relieved. After 12 hours of surgery I had another chance at life.I caught MRSA and that was really painful and l had to have morphine for the pain. And of course that was hard, I just wanted MORE.

The liver transplant was a huge success and its been nearly four years . I was loved back to life by NA and my family. And by staying involved with NA and building relationships with other recovering addicts my life has been transformed.

I’m writing this on my first shift at my new job at a womens hostel.I am trusted to be in charge of 18 young women. I love being clean – it’s hard work but so worth it.

http://www.outsidedgetheatre.com this is the web site for the out side edge theartre group everyone in this group is in recovery from addiction in one way or another i strongly recomend everyone gives it the once over i thought it was grate lvs hugs