MemberAngi

1091 days of abstinence

I’m coming up to three years since my last drink/smoke and thought I’d share some of my reflecting as a way of introducing myself.

I would never have thought I would enjoy being sober so much. I had a long relationship with alcohol and marijuana – 35 years. I was a quiet drunk, latterly drinking alone at home. Never got into any major trouble, didn’t lose my job or house. I did lose out on many a good relationship. And the possibility of having children.

I knew for a long time that something was not right with me. And actively sought help during the 90s. A lot of that did help – did dig up some skeletons from my childhood. I was very damaged emotionally. Very scattered and fragmented. Some physical damage which it was possible to fix. A talent for art/sculpture emerged.

No one along the way mentioned drink as a problem. And I didn’t either. I was slowly declining. And physically beginning to show symptoms. A couple of things happened and I went into free fall.

In a moment of clarity, it came to me I had a drink problem. Got multiple support (counsellor, therapy through an organisation supporting women and AA). The latter was the one that worked for me. I was past the point of controlled drinking.

All along the line, folk got frustrated with me. I had clear talents and wasn’t using them. Big change. Work/day job was an area of my life which hadn’t worked badly – good research career early on – string of publications including a Nature paper – moved into a more stable funding-wise but less interesting support role. But always something missing. I’m doing things now I’d never have dreamed of doing.

I like to measure things wherever possible. Prior to sobering up, I’d done about five sculptures in five years. In the second six months of being sober, I did well over a hundred.

Been following the discussion/ argument around AA and whether it should be recommended by practitioners. As it clearly works for some people, why not be one of a range of possibilities. I personally have found it helpful – I am a spiritual being and not at all religious.

The evidence appears to be mixed. But that ain’t stopped medical practice in the past from using practices where there’s a lot less evidence – I have a qualification in medical informatics. What is clear to me across medical practice is that one size rarely fits all. We’re all individual and have different responses to different therapies whether drug based or otherwise.

One feature I personally like about AA is that I don’t have to be involved in a formal medical system. I sobered up without needing detox. I’m grateful to my GP for signing me off work for a couple of months while I changed aspects of my life. I probably have some control issues ;)

I’m not a big fan of those who preach one particular path – in this context AA being either the only answer or a cult to be avoided. I am an individual who has growing expertise on what path is best for me. And happy to grow and learn.

4 comments - First published on: 20/08/2009