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MemberChrisg

Blog

These are the situations when I start getting pissed off!

With the whole Recovery Movement all the recovery agencies and voluntary organisations must be screaming out for people who have “been there”, that have “worn the t-shirt”, “read the book” and probably done lines off the back of it!

So….How come I can spend days on end sending emails out to these organisations, explaining who I am, where I have been and now where I am at. Attaching copies of my personal story. Blah blah blah blah….

And I don’t even get so much as an email back?

What a load of s**t!

I give up!!!!!

5 comments - First published on: 28/08/2010

A big decision but the right one!

Last night was the straw that broke the camels back. For the last thirteen months I have been working on a massive contract worth a hell of a lot of money. And have basically gone around in circles. Every night issues after issues that are not being addressed. Poor quality of workmanship, bad attitudes and a serious lack of support.

Still, even all this aside I would carry on regardless. Until last night when I reached that point that I used to suffer on a daily basis. I felt my breath shorten (almost to hyper ventilation) and the vein started popping out of my head.

At this point I knew it was time to go. So I decided to resign with immediate effect.

I calmly walked out of the building and made my way back to Luton. The main reason for this is the effect it was having on my health and the well being of others around me. I feel calmer now and I know it was the right thing to do. So I sit here now as one of the millions of unemployed. But I don’t care, as I have my health and my family!

It’s my dad’s 62nd birthday today, so I’m taking him and mum out for a meal and have a laugh.

3 comments - First published on: 25/08/2010

All Gravy Baby !!  The return.

Ahh, well now, I made it back in one piece, but alas I am missing Eastbourne already! A whole week of relaxing. No work, no stress, good weather, clean air and good food. Hoo Raaa!

Now I’m back in the arsehole of England (Luton), what an absolute hole. Not impressed! I got off the coach yesterday and the minute my foot hit the ground I felt the attitude coming back in me. Still on a brighter note. Big announcement. Ready????????????

YEAH BABYYYY!!! Chris is going to be an EASTBOURNIAN!! (or whatever).

When I was in the flat that we rented for the week (which is 30 metres from the sea) I spoke to the people who own it. And I am moving back down on October 9th for 7 months. Ahhhhhhh sweeeeeeet.

I am going to be commuting into London every day for work, but it gives me the weekends to chillax. And I am going to be heading down to the drug agencies down there to see if I can help out in the spare time that I have available.

I will obviously do my homework first and build some bridges. But if anyone knows anything or has any contacts down there then please let me know asap.

Cheers me dears

2 comments - First published on: 23/08/2010

All gravy, baby!!!

Tomorrow I venture off for a week in the wild, desolate and harsh environment that many people never return from. That’s right folks…..Eastbourne!!

I decided to take 10 days off work and head down there for a week. No work, no stress (unless self-inflicted). I’m taking the family down there for the airshow which Iim hoping will be really cool. And more importantly to try and repair those family bridges that were burnt down during my binging days.

I have a lot to make up for, but slowly and surely in my heart I believe that I am getting there. And probably for the first time during my recovery I can honestly say that I am starting to enjoy life!.

I am constantly observing people, their quirky little habits, the shifting of eyes, their mannerisms. Two years into recovery and my eyes are finally staying open long enough to appreciate the complexity of life, the whole spectrum of human emotion and the greatest blessing that we all have, the ability to love!

7 comments - First published on: 13/08/2010

Pondering

I have been spending a lot of time ‘pondering’ about things in general recently. I feel that I am reaching another crossroads. But at least none of the signs point to hell this time!

I have been talking more openly about my brother with people. I’m not sure if it’s helping. I guess time will tell. But I’m not going out and using after opening up.

Work is taking up pretty much all my time at the moment. I’m in for 72 hours this week not including travelling. But I love work and it seems to be paying off at the moment.

Since the start of my recovery I was constantly being told to, “Take it slowly, build your bridges, foundations correctly”, and fortunately that has happened. Allowing me to level out, balance myself and build a better future for myself and those who are close to me.

I was eyeing up a move to Bosnia. A three year rolling contract out there, with enough money to make your head spin and probably enough money to retire after six years, and I have turned it down. I don’t feel the need to:

A.Use it as an excuse to run away from my problems

B.Yes money makes things easier but it never brings true happiness,that has to come from within

3 comments - First published on: 02/08/2010

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Hi,my name is chris,i have been a cocaine addict for 12 years. I am coming up to my second year in recovery and going strong!!
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