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Well, I’m 16 days into the New Year and I honestly have not lost my temper once! Which is a bloody miracle to all those that know me!
I haven’t purposely set out with the mindset of don’t upset people and the usual rubbish that goes with it. I am just trying to take a step back and not react immediately – which for now seems to be working.
I still, and I guess I always will, struggle with people’s attitudes to life and how they find it completely OK to brush past people in life with complete disregard.
I was at the train station the other night waiting to go to work and, as usual, just before the train was pulling in they announced a platform change. Now this change was back up two flights of stairs, across the bridge and back down two flights.
As usual everyone for themselves, running and shoving each other to guarantee themselves a seat. By the time I got to the top I turned to see a women struggling with a suitcase big enough to carry a body in. So I ran back down and offered to carry it for her. Up two flights, across the bridge and down two flights. Which in turn made me miss the train!
She thanked me and I told her not to worry. A small piece of satisfaction for myself for being able to help someone.
My point being I have done a lot of bad things in life, a lot of things I am not proud of – but I never have – and never will walk past someone who is in need of help no matter how trivial.
How do these people sleep at night? What else would they turn their backs on? Is it a case of “I’m OK Jack, so screw you?”.
Sad,sad world.
Just finally recovered from a hectic New Year’s Day which saw me rise at 5.30 am to head down to the residential home my mum works at – and cook 25 breakfasts and wash up, followed by tea and biscuits for all, then topped with 25 turkey dinners that would of had the gods themselves dribbling over!
Now I didn’t mind doing all this, in fact it was – as usual – very humbling, and also extremely satisfying. But I wasn’t best pleased about having to clean up as well, and wash the floor!
Still – a good start to the new year!
This time of year for some reason really brings out the “emotional” side of me (for want of a better word). Really makes me reflect upon past situations and also what the future holds.
Every Christmas morning it’s the same routine, we get up, have breakie and open pressies, but I just cant enjoy it as I’m always thinking of others less fortunate than myself.
I usually go down to the old peoples home where my mum works and cook them breakfast and lunch, but my mum isnt working this Christmas day so I’m going to go down on New Years Day and help out then.
Anything, no matter how small, a random act of kindess can be such a massive impact on folks life especially this time of year, so lets try and help at least one person this Christmas!
Have a great xmas
Well, last weekend was the anniversary of my brother’s death and it went well! Extremely smooth for me. Spent the weekend with my family and went out for a meal on the Saturday night… RESULT!
Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you all. It’s ok, it’s ok.. I’m not in love. It turned out to be heartburn! Thank god for Rennie tablets! Lol…
I went down and met Nat (my angel) yesterday. First time in ages and it was so good to see her. She is one in a million, she really is. So caring and so funny! She is definitely the one!
It’s made me realise how much I have missed her over the last months. She is one of few people that makes me smile!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh bless
I got back yesterday from the funeral. It was as all funerals are… heart wrenching. I stayed together for the sake of one particular person, a very special person whom I have only known for a short period of time but it really feels like a life time already.
I met her for the first time on Wednesday at Kings Cross and we made our journey into Brighton. I felt we had an instant connection. There were no awkward silences. i didn’t feel as if i couldn’t be myself.
We spent the whole two days side by side, walking down the sea-front at night, her eyes sparkling from the illuminations by the pier as I fell deeper and deeper into them.
We talked about my brother. She listened and she really cared. She never judged me, the real me.
For those two days I felt normal again. I didn’t have the pressure from work, I wasn’t agitated, confused, alone and isolated. I felt as though I was complete.
And now she has gone. It has hit me even harder then before. I feel like my soul has been torn out of me, leaving the empty shell that was before.
I’m trying to work out what happened, the emotions etc as rationally as possible.
Is it because I have been so alone? Is that why? Is it because somebody actually took the time to stop and listen? Could that be it?
My wall has been torn down and I feel that I could cry a thousand tears, but I won’t.
I have been told before that I’m cold and emotionless. Well, maybe that’s not such a bad thing if it stops me feeling this way.
Amy G
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