Memberlostinreality

A bit about me: Part 3

I try my best not to let it get to me, but if I am going to be completely honest, it is a struggle. For years and years, I never had to find a reason to kill myself.. I had to find a reason to stay alive.

Every morning was the same. I would wake up and decide there and then whether or not it was time to end it all. Luckily, I didn’t. And it isn’t how I feel now, anyway.

I have an amazing group of friends now who support me all the time and I take each day as it comes. It is a slow and harrowing process, but I believe in myself that I will get there… one day..

Comment - First published on: 07/05/2009

A bit about me: Part 2

I have tried counselling but I don’t think I gave it enough of a chance to really work. I suppose that now is the time to go back and try again.

I’m scared… that’s the truth. Scared to relive what happened and scared what might happen. Deep down inside behind this hard exterior is a scared and frightened child who just wants to be loved.

Is that too much to ask???

I never asked for it to happen to me. I didn’t deserve it… Then who does? Nobody.

Something so unspeakably selfish and vicious that can shape your world in an instant. In a blink of an eye my world collapsed around me and left me in a dark empty place… on my own…

5 comments - First published on: 05/05/2009

Through all of your years

I have stood by your side through all these years

I have shared your laughter,I have wiped away your tears

I have held your hands through all your fear

When you feel all alone,is when i draw near

An angel???

I dont think so

Just someone who cares

Who will hold on,when you let go

Through all of your years

Comment - First published on: 04/05/2009

A bit about me

I don’t think I’m particularly a bad person deep down inside. Yes, I have my issues but who doesn’t? I guess that’s why we are all here. To help ourselves? To help others?

What I’m going through now is the chain reaction of what happened to me in my childhood. The root cause, the base for all my troubles. It gives me absolutely no pleasure in recalling this at all, so I’m going to make it very brief.

From the age of 6-7 years old I suffered sexual abuse. I don’t know anymore than that apart from the person is no longer on this planet. But I will always bare the scars and the pain and torture that the person put me through.

It has left me angry, isolated and full of rage, but also empty and extremely tearful. I try daily to deal with “my issues”. Some days are better than others, but none are great.

I have suport from many different people, but it is me that must help myself the most and this is what I’m still struggling with. I’m scared of relationships and people getting too close to me as it triggers memories I would rather forget.

But I am now starting to understand that I simply can’t do that. I’m going to have to go deep into my mind and my past, and talk about this situation which has left me broken inside.

3 comments - First published on: 04/05/2009