MemberPhillipa M

Spiritual Awakenings and then some…

I was at my dear friend June’s memorial service a few months ago at St Peters in Mowbray (Cape Town), and while acknowledging that the occasion was a sad one I was reminded why I don’t go to church.

As a child I was brought up in the C of E faith and while I loved the priests in their black cassocks with little buttons that looked like raisins, what scared the living crap out of me was the statue of the Virgin Mary with a red lamp burning where her ‘heart’ was supposed to be, and the tortured looking Jesus on the cross over the main altar.

A few years later, my dear old Ma goes and marries a Methodist minister (except he lost his dog collar in favour of working for the underground ANC and the church did not want to be associated with a commie). But Pops continued to use his title Rev. until he was ‘re-instated’ and welcomed back into the flock so to speak and then promptly reverted back to Mr. What was that all about?!

At 12, I liked the idea of being one of the chosen few to get a place in heaven and dabbled with the idea of becoming a Jehovah’s witness, but that didn’t last too long as I didn’t really fancy having to give up my Sundays to go knocking on people’s doors and then have them slammed in my face.

A girl can only stand so much rejection you know… Judaism sounded like a good option at 14 especially since I’d been introduced to Matzos and Marmite, but I had heard all sorts of strange things involving sheets and holes and things I really cannot go into else I may get struck by lightening, and canned that idea as well.

So the hedonistic years eventually set in and I never gave God, the church or any such stuff a second thought for over 40 days and nights and then some.

The crap eventually hit the fan in September 2000 and I ended up at a Rehab in Kommetjie where I was forced onto my knees (which had nothing to do with the fact that I was on a 5km hike uphill, on some mountain somewhere in the middle of somewhere, but more to do with sheer drops and ‘natbroek’ terror).

My epiphany came on top of that mountain although not quite like Moses/Joseph/Peter – (who was it again?) – and the burning bush, nor blinding flashes of lightening, but gently like the gale that was blowing!

I was praying to something to get me safely off this damn mountain, and by golly it worked and it grew and took shape and I began to see God’s handiwork in Nature again and I’d marvel at the sunsets and sunrises and on the 7th day…

So began my interest in Wicca and all things witchified and if the truth be told, one in the eye (of newt) for institutions and organised religion while I was at it. I got the books, made the tools and several desperate attempts at drawing a pentacle on the floor of my studio.

In the background to all this interest in spells, incantations and crystals and perhaps the occasional desire to dance naked under the moon, is my Hare Krishna ex Jewish person, Andrew (spiritual name Ananda Vardhan which means ever increasing bliss).

We met at a Holistic Fair several years ago and since then he has been desperately trying to convince me that Krishna Consciousness is the way to go. I have had many a discussion with him about this over the years.

I have thrown tantrums, debated, tried everything to convince myself that this is not going to work because… but now I am chanting in the temple and open minded enough to learn more about this fascinating and ancient religion.

I have had the privilege of associating with some wonderfully advanced souls, I’ve chanted and danced in the streets of Durban with the community of Indian Hare Krishna’s whom I had never met before, yet made me feel so welcome.

I have gazed with awe up at the artwork on the ceiling of the Chatsworth temple, and felt humbled by the sight of street children being fed spiritualised food (prasadam).

I have even bought a sari which I am very excited to wear, and is probably the only time anyone is going to see me look feminine (unless I can adapt it and wear jeans underneath), but there is something about this ‘Krishna stuff’ that is a little bit magic – All part of God’s plan – I dare say so…

1 comments - First published on: 15/09/2009