From the gutter to post-grad: A personal story

This is the heading I used for my last assignment at Jordanhill, Strathclyde University. This was 2008 and the assignment was up to 10,000 words, the last assingment out of five. The post-graduate course was for counselling.

My story starts back in 1989 when I first took any kind of drug. I was 16 years old. The drug back then was temgesic which I snorted – you got a tray for £20 and they had 10 tablets. But the first drug I fell in love with was DF118s. I used to have every DF you could buy in Baillieston,Glasgow.

Back then it was great. I would take up to 30 tablets a day quite easy. My mates used to say my kidneys would be like ‘the white cliffs of Dover’, I was munching that many. Then I met my sweetheart heroin, now I must admit it was great.

I loved it. I was 18 at the time this was 1991. I used to smoke it. All my mates were on it, all at different stages of their own little hell. Some were injecting, some were snorting. It was a time when we were all together – it was a laugh.

Then, all of a sudden, darkness starts to set in and the big group goes to smaller groups then the smaller groups go to a couple then, before you know it, you have no mates left apart from the drug who you think is a mate, who pretends to be there for you, you cant do anything without it – the bastard.

Then it turns on you, you cant sleep, you dont wash, you steal from your family. What chance has anybody else got when you start going in your ma’s bag or start stealing aff your granny,stealing aff your siblings. I have two wee brothers and a wee sister, and my wee sister says now she never knew me until she was 14 she’s now 23.

Now I had nobody. My ma was bringing up my brothers and sister and had to make a choice. She’s had enough of my addiction and, to be honest, I was fed up with it. By this time I was injecting. I had a script from the doctor for five years – solid every week 56 60mg of DF118.

I was still using heroin every day. I got the script in 1992. My my doctors’ never gave out methadone at the time and I wasnae bothered as long as I had df’s and smack that done me.

Then in 1997 my ma’d had enough, I’d had enough and I was going to quit it, The very first time since I started taking drugs 7 years before, this was going to be it. So on November that year I remember buying my last bag and smoking it in my room while watching Gladiators.

It took me four days to get a sleep, my ma and da would take shifts watching me wriggle about, scream, cry, beg for ‘just one mare bit’. This is torture even writing this 12 years after, in fact it is giving me shivers.

I done it with the help and support of my family – a very lucky guy.

Then I had choices. I was 24 years old so I became an alcoholic – what an idiot. I believe the difference with drink is it is a creeper of a drug. It creeps up on you and the next thing you know is it’s got you by the throat.

This led me down a path of destruction, a path of mental health issues, of suicidal thoughts, anxiety and depression. This lasted seven years until I was 32, when I got the help at the right time – once again a very lucky guy.

I went on an eight week course, Monday to Friday, 10.30-2.30. It was called the community day programme. This changed my outlook on life. I could get on public transport without having a major panic attack, I could go to concerts with my mates and they were still using and drinking.

I felt great and every day my confidence was coming back. So in January 2006 I went to college and done basic IT, since the last computer ! was on was the Atari! After this I done introduction to counselling and then counselling skills.

This gave me the appetite for counselling, so I done my H.N.C – got that – and applied for the course at Jordanhill campus, Strathclyde University. I went for the interview but, to be honest, I never thought I would get in. I am not academic one wee bit, I only went to school for the lunch. But lo and behold I got in.

I am not going to write about the course other than to say it’s hard and I was lucky once again to graduate. So now I am a qualified counsellor who is starting his first job at the grand old age of 36 this month counselling teenagers in high schools in Lanarkshire – one very lucky guy!

I am also involved in the recovery network which is starting up in Lanarkshire this year and I am very excited about it.

I hope I have not bored you and I will finish by saying that if you put all the energy you put into getting a bag of smack or a drink into something positive, you will get there!

Thanks Jed.