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My name is Matthew and I am a perfectionist.
But maybe now I’m a recovering perfectionist. Because one thing about the need for perfection is that it inevitably leads to disappointment.
Without wishing to sound big headed I believe that I am doing well at the moment and I am approaching the top of my game. I am proud of myself and am no longer afraid to admit it. But the perfectionist within me now seeks to solve the problems of others.
Now there is being helpful and enabling. I would always like to appear helpful, but you can take things too far. When you’re waking up the middle of the night thinking “What am I going to do about so and so?” You know it is a problem.
So now, as a recovering perfectionist I have to accept my limitations and learn that some things are just not my concern.
A month or so ago I believed that certain issues and rivalries were unique to this field, but the new me accepts that these cultures exist in every work place, and in every walk of life.
As Michaela rightly pointed out, in situations such as this you can only reflect on your own behaviour. If you can look yourself in the mirror and say that you have done whatever you reasonably can, then you should be able to sleep soundly in your bed.
Ultimately, the person who seeks to solve each and every problem succeeds in solving none. So I’ll continue to put all that I can in to my own work, but accept when I need to step back. This is the latest in many lessons in life that recovery is teaching me.
Blimey – did I say that? Must have been having a wise day.
Can’t tell you how glad I am to see you write this Matt. Onwards and most certainly upwards.
Ah Matt, the old chestnut that is “acceptance” It seems almost too simple to be true, but acceptance ….. accepting things exactly as they are …. can be the key that unlocks the door to happiness.
A doctored quote from a favorite book of mine if you will..
“ Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation — some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.
Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in the universe by mistake. Until I could accept my addiction, I could not stay clean/sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes”.
Tis all good my friend… all good x
Matt,
IMHO there’s nothing whatsoever wrong with striving for perfection as long as when you or the rest of creation inevitably falls short you don’t beat yourself up or tilt at windmills.
It can however be a tough balance to find – as a recovering perfectionist myself I can readily identify with what you’re saying. But just because something isn’t easy, it doesn’t meant that it’s not worth the effort. The harder the game, the more precious the prize.
