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Heads a mess thinking of using! Confident I won’t, but the thought is niggling away.
Had a good day yesterday I went to a pheasant shoot with dad. I know some people don’t agree with it, but I’ve been brought up with it. I prefer the dog side of it though. The snow was so deep it was an effort for me to walk but the dogs had to jump all the way across hills, fields and woods – poor souls.
I haven’t used so far this year. It’s so easy to get drugs round here, I could get them delivered qicker than a pizza. I’m lucky enough to have access to a car, but who wants to go out in this weather. That wouldn’t have stoped me before so I guess I’m improving more than I thought.
Thanks to everyone who made this site possible think its great.Xx
It’s great to hear that you never gave in and great to see you on wiredin,hopefully it will get easier for you and as you said the weather would not have stopped you before, so good luck and all the best Claire.
I thought about having a drink today – I also thought about going to Asda (too horrible outside), what I might have for my tea, whether Labour will get back in at the next election, how I can stop Sprocket (my new baby spaniel) from crapping all over the shop, doing the ironing, riging my grandma, whether to wash my hair, whether anyone has ever been killed by icicles falling down, what I need to do tomorrow, what’s on tv tonight – and more.
The point I am trying to make is thoughts are just thoughts – they have no power in themselves. Being in recovery isn’t about not thinking about drugs or alcohol – the power is in not acting on them. Having said that I better ring my grandma – otherwise will be in the doghouse along with Sprocket.
Hi Claire,
Just to expand on the point Michaela made, the more obstacles and distractions you put in place, the less time you will get to think about drink and drugs. The chances are you will get those thoughts and feelings for a long time to come, it’s just about making sure they don’t dominate your life.
It’s not easy at this time of year when the weather prevents you from doing a great deal, but to me, doing any activity with your family is a great start. Repairing, as best I could, my family relationships has been a huge factor in my recent stability.
Congratulations on not using this year, it will get easier and easier as you find more alternative ways to spend your time, when new things start to occupy the majority of your thoughts. You might even surprise yourself with something that you start to enjoy (or in my case worry about)
Matt
You sound like your from good stock and maybe financing your cravings wouldn’t be an issue though money is never an issue at the start of the madness, maybe you need to sink really low before you choose to change i mean how low can you go and have you really had enough, maybe someone will rescue you yet again from your selfishness or maybe you deserve a break from this tedium of recovery, all irrational thoughts, use this tool is my advice, run the scenario of using through from begining to end, what will you get out of it, how will you feel on it and after the effects wear off, guilty maybe, what gets rid of guilt ? another hit maybe, keep running it through to it’s inevitable conclusion, habited up, enslaved to a substance, family hurt, you dissapointed and looking disgusting maybe then the self loathing avoided by more substance use maybe, i’m not getting at you please believe for we all have these irrational thoughts, the tools i use for these irrational thoughts are self honesty and contemplation of the end result, well done on your clean time please don’t throw it all away.
Hi Claire, it sounds like you are in a relatively good position – thinking of using but confident you wont – . for a lot of people its a case of desperate not to use but totally consumed with cravings. my case worker said cravings last only 17 seconds on average, but when it’s every 17 seconds of every day it doesn’t sound so good.
what i did was what Tony suggests above but it took me several cycles of relapse and hitting rock bottom before it even dawned on me to look at the bigger picture / contemplate the end result before giving in.
Good luck staying clean!
Its been almost 10 years in acctive additon,going cold turkey time after time then using again!,I could kick myself somtimes,this time i want to get clean for me aswell as my family as i feel guilty alot because of the worry i’ve put them through.I want to be in control of my own life.I’ve been to the gutter & it aint a nice place to be!,thats another story though maybe i’ll feel strong enough to share it one day!.Money is just as much an issue for me as it is alot of people.It’s a good feeling to have money again,i rember when i just seen money as drugs,I’m so glad it’s differnt now & i can spend money on stuff i want to rather than stuff i have to just to feel normal it’s great,i regretfully used a few times near the end of 2009,as i’ve said before i want 2010 to be my first year clean & i have alot more in my life to help me do so & a better perspective on life.cheers everyone.X
hi me again think i maybe worded the start of my blog wrong,when i said im thinking of using i meant my head was full of cravings but confident i wont give in to them.I didn’t know what a blog was till monday past,this computer stuff is all very new to me & putting stuff like this in to words so bare with me please folks,but thank you all very much for your comments.I wish you all the best.X
Take a look at my blog of the week !
Hi Claire, thats cool, i’m new to blogging too. sounds like you’ve had a rough ride but also sounds like you have some control over your cravings and are determined to give up – good for you!…… something else that helped me kick the habit and stop the cravings was Natrexone. have a look on the net, it really did stop my cravings in their tracks, it also blocks any opiates so using would be a compete waste of time and money. it’s a 6 month treatment, just a little yellow pill each day but it really works.
Good luck again.
Hi Claire
Just to say the first thoughts and cravings i get in my head i carnt do nothing about. But the good news is that i can with the second and so on i have to question all my thoughts around this and wen i was in the first month of recovery i tended to run away with fantises looking at all the postives of using but as time gos by the thoughts become less and as of today i honestly can tell you i personaly carnt find positives to using but i bet i could find a million negatives to using. I am glad u r doing this for your self and dont worry about the family because when u do it for urself your family ties and trust and support comes along in abundence i wish u well in your recovery and keep blogging with ur Honesty u will go far
take care
Mark :-D
Claire, It’s so good to hear from you. You’ve really shown a great deal of courage in tackling your problem and in writing on this website. I know you will get lots of support from people on here and will learn from others. And I know we will learn from you.
I am so pleased you won Blog of the Week, the first one of the year. Something to be very proud of.
I look forward to hearing more from you. We learn from you and others experiencing problems and finding solutions. And your solutions can help others along their path to recovery.
Take care and enjoy the snow. It’s thirty degrees where I am….
Celsius that is, so I was on the beach this weekend, just south of Perth in Australia.
Hi Claire, well done for having the courage to write about how you feel and I hope you’re finding the support and feedback helpful! Awareness of, and ways to deal with thoughts are really important parts of taking ‘ownership’ over them. You can control them and choose not to act on them – rather than the other way around. You’re doing well!
Hi Claire. And a Happy & Clean New year to you!
Just to echo what has already been said so very wittily by Michaela. You are powerless over your thoughts (1st thought anyway) but not over your actions. For an addict (in recovery or otherwise) not to think about drugs/using would be slightly illogical don’t you think? As with mental and physical cravings for anything it takes time for them to go but the longer you abstain the less power the obsession actually has. Eventually you will get through a day/week and without even realizing you will not have thought about drugs once. Now thats a miracle!!! I do hope you have other people in recovery around you at this time as in my experience this is a very powerful tool against the addict mind. Keep on Keeping on and all the best.
Hi Claire,
Thanks for your message and,if my blog doesn’t get through-here ‘tis in short. You done good, whatever comes along please remember that you don’t have to face it alone,none of us does.
It took me a long time to tell folk about what was really going on in my addled head,I think that it scared me too much to be honest.But,as my old sponsor told me,“Son,how the f—k do I know unless you tell me-your heid’s no glass!” His between he eyes approach was what worked for me at that stage. Do you do any meetings or have a list of numbers? A book that really helped me was “Drinking-A Love Story” by Caroline Knapp,so,I pass that one onto you for what it’s worth.
I’m not o here that often,but,you can get me at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) or on Soberface.com as Icarusfliesagain.
Stay well,you’re on the right path and you’re sticking to it.
WELL DONE CLAIRE
