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This story starts at the end of the bad life I endured since the age of 16, I am now 26 years of age and have led a hard life – drugs, crime, prison. Life was horrible and hard and no matter what anyone did or said I couldn’t see what I was doing to myself or my family.
I didn’t know how bad I looked and I now realise what I did to myself and my family. It’s taken me years to be able to even say that. I am now clean of all drugs and in a fantastic relationship with my partner who has never taken drugs in any form. So here’s how it all began
Before I turned to heroin I had a fantastic life and jobs. I first left school at 16 and didn’t fancy college so went to work at Ventura as a customer service adviser. It was well paid and I enjoyed my job very much. Within twelve months I was promoted to a team leader with my own team of 12 customer service advisers underneath me. It was great.
I was working for Woolwich Bank, who had just merged with Barclays, and I was setting up bank accounts, mortgages and arranging loans and credit cards. I then moved departments to freeserve internet company when the internet had just taken off, and yes, I enjoyed my work very much.
After a few years there were cut backs. I knew my job was quite safe but I was getting bored off the same things day in day out. So I applied for a similar job at Maplin Electronics. The job was more demanding and I had a lot more responsibilities but that was fine by me.
I was now an internal sales manager for Maplin Electronics working 9am to 5pm Monday to Friday on £8.87per hour and travelling all over the country for conferences, meeting clients and placing large orders with Maplins locally and also internationally.
I was really enjoying my new job and overall it was great. I loved it but the company laid me off due to cut backs then my life took one big nose dive to rock bottom, it was like being in hell.
So here goes my story. I was 16 when I first tried heroin. I’d met a partner who had just been released from prison and was supposedly clean. He hid his addiction from me for months but one day he was arrested by the police for a burglary and there was a tooter (a foil rolled tube used to smoke heroin) and I decided to try it.
I wanted to know what all the fuss was about and as I lit my lighter and held it under the heroin a taste of fish hit my throat and made me physically sick – but the feeling of euphoria was unbelievable. I felt so relaxed, no stress, like no one could hurt me. It was a fantastic feeling, but that feeling was one I’d never feel again, no matter how much heroin I smoked.
I never ever got that feeling of the first time hit ever again.
The first time I tried heroin was the end of my life. It destroyed my mind, my body, my soul and my spirit, it changed me. I lost the real me and became a horrible deceitful lying thief. I didn’t care who I hurt or cheated to get the funds I needed to get my fix.
I would shoplift, borrow or steal whatever I could. When I look back at my life I am disgusted with myself and it hurts me deep inside how much I hurt the people who loved me. But at the time I didn’t see it and now I can – oh so very clearly.
The more my life went on the more the habit grew and so did the crime. I was now using needles instead of smoking heroin and my veins were collapsing. I was six stone. grey and gaunt. I looked like I was dying.
With every new relationship there was more crime and the more my habit grew. It was horrendous how I was now living. Here, there and everywhere, dossing about where I could in squats and on people’s floors going out all hours trying to get cash to feed our habits, day in day out.
It has to be experienced to be believed, because the things I have seen and done and been through, normal people would not believe for a second. If I could tell you every single detail of this life I’d be writing a 10,000,000 page book.
You would most probably read it and say “that was a good story”. But it’s not a story, its real life and it is my life and I have to live with the memories every single day, which isn’t very nice at all.
To be continued….
Kiri – I really can’t thank you enough for sharing your story. I will be putting the next part on tomorrow. I will comment more, but for now I will let others have their say.
To those of you who are reading:
Kiri is looking to get experience in the drug field and would be really grateful for any ideas on volunteering or working in the Barnsley area and any meetings she could attend.
A very powerful story Kiri thanks,
It particularly resonates with me as people tend to make assumptions about those who turn to drugs, particularly heroin. A story which shows how drugs can affect those who have a good job and a lot going for them is hopefully a bit of an eye opener for some.
Also, forever seeking that sense of calm that you can never quite reach again is something that I can relate to. My first taste of heroin felt like something I had been missing my whole life. A couple of years later and it just helps you function, the buzz is long gone.
You are clearly someone who has a lot going for them, the past will become and less and less important as you move further away from it.
I am sure you will find ways to achieve a natural sense of calm, of fulfilment. I am sure there is a lot of good work you could do in this field, unfortunately I do not know anyone in The Barnsley area, but I’m sure you will find the path that suits you soon.
Thanks again for sharing,
Matt
Kiri, pucker and totally wonderful to read your blog. I can see so many similarities with my life and past – your not on your own her in any way.
One thing I have learnt for my self is I have many regrets with what I did to do to get my fix, yet please try not to feel disgusted with yourself. It was not you, it was the drug telling you what to do. Rmemeber it is a cunning and baffling decietful illness which we have no control of.
I to back in the late 90,s trained as a councillor while training the Diploma in Social Work, at the time for myself I thought it was the right thing for me to justify going into the field. Never practised. How wrong I was!
Yet one thing I never did was deal with my underlying chore issues of guilt and shame, this came aftrrwards when addiction took route 24/7.
Not in anyway suggesting you have not explored these, yet felt right to share my past with you, hope the training is pucker and you have a pucker supervisor and good work placements.
Good luck.
Thanks for all your comments i will reply to them all individually just give me a bit of time
thankyou to you all
thanks to you all for all your comments and responces your really helping me with my recovery thanks and please keep in touch with me xx
That is not an issue for me or many others here Kiri. This site is a 2 way path for all of us.
Kiri,
Thank you so much for telling your story. It is so important that people tell their stories so that people can understand that heroin addiction can be overcome. Thank you again.
thankyou all for your comments
and to MArtin Bailey i no this isent an issue for everyone but its a part of everyday life and people need to inderstand that this can happen to anyone even if they are from a good background its life and i appreciate this web site is a 2 way path but people need to understand what addiction intailes and is so i do appreciate all the comments and i am ver proud of myself and because of this i an getting stronger by the minet……….. Watch this space for more writing and poetry from me !!!!!!!
Hi Kiri, welcome! Thank you for sharing your story so honestly. I haven’t been on the site for a few days so am catching up on all the blogs and will read the next couple of your installments – I’m enthralled and you write really well. And, well done for recovery! You’re an example to others :-)
Thankyou for all the suport i have recieved and i have also sent another part on my story to the website if they print it and some poetry so if they print it hope you like it and i hope you will all read and commet on it and be honest thankyou for all te support and i will keep you all up to date with my progress
thanks again kiri sykes
