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I just wanted to let you know that, as of January 2010, I have been officially appointed by the Trustees of my charity, as DrugFAM’s Ambassador for those bereaved by addiction. I presented my research on the needs of those bereaved in this particular way in early January to my board of trustees. And they have approved my role and have given support for me to move forward with this work as a volunteer.
As part of the ongoing development of my charity (which supports families, friends and carers affected by addiction to drugs or alcohol) we are working towards offering specific bereavement by addiction counselling and a potential 6-8 weekly open support group. The first focus group of families and friends will meet on Sunday afternoon 28th February from 3pm to 4.45pm at the DrugFAM office in Hgh Wycombe
I have been doing a lot of research on this over the last few months, including visiting other groups up and down the country. I have met with several other organisations including Cruse and Compassionate Friends to see how we can offer support to those bereaved in this particular way.
DrugFAM hopes to move forward steadily by providing support for the bereaved by the bereaved – but also we hope to engage a professional bereavement by addiction counsellor for one-to-one support as well.
We hope that, in time, we may be able to be a link for those who find themselves in this situation with the coroner, police and drug agencies, and provide telephone and email support as well. In this way there may be several strands to the support we offer to those bereaved, both locally and nationally.
Additionally, we will be holding the second annual Bereaved by Addiction Day on the last Saturday of November each year from now on. This year’s event will be on November 27th 2010 at Oakley Hall, Castle Street High Wycombe. Feedback from this years event can be see on the DrugFAM website – follow the ‘Coping with Bereavement’ link
Whilst none of us wants this to be the outcome, it is the reality that there will be some people this year who may lose a loved one. Whether it is a son, daughter, client of SMART, DAAT, DIP etc or a father, mother and so on. To date, nationwide, 300 people have been in contact with me to advise me of their loss of a loved one since going public with my story in 2007. The most recent one was Sue the week before last.
We have now just started a Memorial Page on the website, which those of you who have been bereaved might like to look at.
One lady recently wrote to me to say, “I have just seen that my brother’s memorial is now on your website. Seeing Simon’s name join those other dear victims certainly brings it home to me that he died the way he did. If that makes sense? It also saddens me to think that the list will only grow bigger as the months go on.”
“I like to think of the memorial page as a role of honour for our dead, who fought but lost the battle against addiction. Our loved one’s deaths are not really spoken about so openly because of the stigma it brings. But thanks to your great efforts I hope we will one day feel more able to discuss these deaths more openly rather than in hushed tones.”
Please do get in contact with me if you have any thoughts and/or suggestions to support those bereaved in this most tragic of ways. As another bereaved mother (Marilyn Shaw from the Luke and Marcus Trust) recently said after the 2009 Bereaved by Addiction Day, “It is knowing that we share this common sorrow with so many, that we endeavour to create a positive out of a negative.”
“The fact that we not only lose them in the end, but that we have all experienced that first loss to drug addiction and the stigma society puts on that, sets us apart from other bereaved parents. We realise that society mourns with those parents who lose their children to war, illness, accidents and suicide. But where addiction is concerned, their compassion often fails. This is something we are overcoming by working together.”
Elizabeth Burton-Phillips
Founder and Figurehead Ambassador for those bereaved by addiction
DrugFAM
http://www.drugfam.co.uk
Elizabeth – as ever I can only say how fantastic the work you are doing is, and how important. If there is anything Wired In can do to get your message out there and support you, please do get in touch.
With deep respect
Michaela
Pucker Elizabeth, you are truelly inspirational – have now had to buy your book 3 times, as I lent them out and never got the first 2 back. taught me another lesson.
Where do the likes of you – Michaela and others find so much strength? in all you do for others.
Truelly humbled to have read your book and see your site.
Elizabeth, this is a great initiative and seems particularly poignant just now in conjunction with Sue’s posts here. The idea of a memorial page is very powerful. As well as honouring those of us who have died, it will act as a catalyst for change. This cannot be allowed to continue.
The other thing that struck a chord with me was the quote you use which mentions stimga. This is such a corrosive force in our country and all of us who are members of Wired In and of the growing recovery movement are tackling this, just by communicating with each other. Having a voice and sharing our experiences helps us challenge stigma and its damaging consequences.
Congratulations on your role. It is good to read you are travelling to other parts of the country to link up wth others. I hope you’ll continue to keep us linked in on Wired In.
Elizabeth, you are doing such important work that will benefit so many who are lost in the sometimes tragic effects of addiction. If we can do anything, please let us know. And, congratulations on your role :-)
