How to respond

Michaela has asked for information on how to respond to someone who writes about their bereavement on Wired In, and I’d like to add my thoughts to Elizabeth’s.

Particularly with a substance-related death, people find it very difficult to know just what to say, and often even end up avoiding the issue. This is largely due to stigma and is yet another blow for those bereaved.

For anyone who feels they want to respond but hasn’t been in the situation described, who has suffered a bereavement, who fears a future bereavement, who has a user in the family, and for the practitioner, I’d suggest the following.

The writer has been brave enough to express their feelings, and tell their story in a public forum, and a simple message of thanks for sharing this is often enough. Possibly enhanced by encouragement when they have made efforts to put something in place to help others in a similar situation.

If the reader has fears for their own loved one or has lost them, then they should feel free to ask the writer if they’d be willing to answer particular questions that might help them too to cope.

I’ve noted that most of those who do blog about their experience appear to become stronger and focus on what they can do for others, and recognition of this in a comment gives great encouragement to continue on that path. We were certainly encouraged by comments we received after losing our own son to heroin, and were comforted by the many expressions of sympathy and support.

This is a recovery community and, as such, promotes a valuable message of hope not only for those experiencing addiction, but for those affected by it. To receive the level of support it currently provides from one’s peers is tremendously therapeutic.

Look currently at what Danny O is doing, what Ann Marie is building, and at the many other examples on the site, and the tremendously supportive comments to all, and you won’t go far wrong with anything you say.