Oh, it’s a long story. I’m getting there though….

Hmmmm, where to begin?

I was a runaway. Family members introduced me to heroin at the age of twelve. Things have never been ‘normal’, one disaster after another.

Sofa surfin’ till I was 16 and then I moved a long way from home and got clean. But then awful things happened. I’m cool with it now. because they seemed as if they were part and parcel of the choices I made back then.

I got involved with a bloke who basically groomed me for prostitution. When it became clear to me what was going on I wanted out and I nearly lost my life, I had to fight like hell for it. This changed me for a long time, lots of using, then lots of therapy.

Then I got into a relationship with a lying thief with violent tendencies. But it was worse that I was pregnant and using. There were times after my boy was born I could have quite happily killed myself just to take away the pain. Still not sure what stopped me, perhaps it was just because I was totally off of my face?

But anyway, baby number two came along and I was clean and he was clean. I couldn’t do that to him, and all downhill from there. Got beat regularly till I stood up for myself and my kids and I made him leave. It didn’t end there though. He ended up putting my kids lives in danger and mine too. Then he attempted suicide and when it didn’t work he simply blamed me.

From that point I received meds and some intensive therapy from a very committed group of people. They stuck with me, so did my husband. Now he changed me, he did save my life. He saw some good in me even though I had become a product of my environment. I was damaged, he convinced me I just had to work on it and I have. I have worked my butt off.

I was converted from methadone to suboxone in 2006 and have remained ‘stable’, but now I’m shutting the door on all of that stuff (even my own brother). Up until Sunday I was on 1mg of suboxone, I did start on 12mgs.

I’m not sure whether it’s blind panic or psychological but I feel rough. This is the push but how long will it last?

I love my life. I have four wonderful kids and a husband who worships me. I ain’t got time to feel like this. Suboxone has kept me safe from a danger zone which is long gone. I’ve totally reconstructed my life and do you know that I’m so proud of how well I’ve done?

Sometimes I just drop it on people, “Did you know that I used to be a junkie?” And do you know what I get? Some respect (as long as you choose your people carefully!). People have said, “I hate junkies” to me and my response is, “What about me? You hate me?” Their answer is weak and I say good.

I’m rambling now, so i’m outta here. Some people say it takes 12 weeks to detox completely but I haven’t got 12 weeks to spend feeling like this. People it’s painful ,, much love everyone.