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Forgive me Michaela for I have sinned. It’s been 40 days since my last ‘confession’.
After nearly 14 months of being clean and sober, my attention and focus these past few months has been more orientated towards career goals and in particular training that will allow me to progress with those goals. So I’m really excited about traveling to Nottingham this Friday to start a Diploma in Therapeutic Drumming with The Therapeutic Drumming Foundation.
Like many creative art therapies this is no different in respect of it being very person centered and allowing the individual to have their own ‘voice’. In doing so they become empowered through this creative process as they are able to be intimate with their own feelings and emotions that have been blocked through various traumas in life.
Of course, my own traumas have been related to addiction. This is where I hope to give something back to other addicts and alcoholics who are still blocked with their own feelings and emotions which is not allowing them to truly experience their own recovery at a deeper and meaningful level.
“Our high tech culture and industrial civilisation have separated us from our innate creativity, thus cutting us off from a vital sense of personal satisfaction. To create is a profound event. The process entails a state of focusing in which all else drops away. We can call this an altered state of consciousness or a time of highly energised, purposefully directed behaviour. Whatever we call it, it is enlivening. Without the opportunity to be creative, we lose much of life’s zest and flavour. Our society does not afford many opportunities to continue free expression of our childhood years, so we become blocked and frustrated. We then look for ways to experience stimulation and excitement. Drugs are one avenue to that altered state. Compulsive behaviours are another.”
“As we first journey inward through the expressive arts, we tap into the unconscious and become aware of new aspects of self, thus gaining insight and empowerment. Then, by connecting to at least one other person in an empathic and supportive environment, we learn ways to relate to the community, we are then inspired to move to the larger circle. We become co-creative and collaborative, being able to access our higher purpose and powers. This connects us to the world – other cultures and nature – with compassion.”
These excerpts are taken from the book “The Creative Connection (Expressive Arts as Healing)” – Natalie Rogers. Natalie Rogers is the daughter of Carl Rogers who is considered ‘the father’ of the person centred approach to therapy.
Carl Jung explains addiction as “having a thirst for wholeness”. I completely agree with this statement. I’ve never felt ‘complete’ or ‘whole’. I’ve always felt there was a part of my soul missing. In shamanic beliefs this is known as ‘soul loss’. Although, I believe that through my own shamanic crisis (addiction) it lead me to an understanding of my own pain and suffering and in doing so I am able to be empathetic towards other alcoholics and addicts who may be experiencing their own.
Now I’m not proclaiming to be a healer, or shaman for that matter (YET!!). I’ve always been quite ‘tribal’ in my thinking towards the 12 step fellowships. I’ve tried not to think of myself as superior in any way through my own journey of self discovery.I don’t always achieve that and I’m glad when people point this out to me. This can lead to the thinking of a hierarchical system within the tribe. But within any tribe there are the wiser and elder members or the shaman that have journeyed and experienced their own pain and suffering who are then able to bring that knowledge back to the tribe and heal people. Sounds like step 12 to me!
So it is now that I take the next step in my journey of self discovery through this creative process of therapeutic drumming. I’m trying not to have too many expectations or what lies ahead for me, although it seemed that I tapped into something a few weeks ago that left me feeling very sad and angry. I’ve started doing some free-flow movements/dance to music and it’s been very therapeutic indeed. We’ve all heard that saying “dance like no-one is watching” have we not? It’s only through experiencing things, I feel, that we can recover. At the end of the day the 12 step program is one of action. When we put in the action we start to live and we start to experience life on life’s terms.
The only thing I’m having difficulty with right now is funding or grants to continue the Diploma. I’ve only managed to secure funds for the first block of training. There’s 3 in all. So I’ve been busy chasing funding this past month and I’m hoping to get a grant from CRISIS in London (pending application). So I would appreciate if anyone who reads this could let me know of national organisations where I may be able to get grants to continue my studies. I’ve tried the Student Loan Company and The European Social Fund amongst a few. I’ve exhausted funds from the ADF (Advisory Discretionary Fund) through Jobcentre Plus. Plus the same with local agencies I’m engaged with i.e. Wirral Linking People, The Social Partnership, Progress2Work. I’ve been through the motions of applying for a loan recently online but the repayments plan is going to wipe me out as it’s only over 3 years rather than the 5 I was hoping for! So ANY help on this one would be greatly appreciated by moi.
Here’s a link on youtube to a great little video that explains this creative process through drumming.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDJAkBF_qt8
Love and Light
Phil
xx
Well Mr. Phil – you are VERY lucky I am in a forgiving mood. Please recite “Recovery is a Reality” 100 times! Further extended episodes of absence will involve a longer sentence (i.e. The UK substance misuse field is currently experiencing change on a profound level, mirroring significant changes within society as the political, social and financial landscape shifts and adapts to challenging new priorities and agendas).
Interesting blog – particularly the idea of of ‘soul loss’. I like it because of the suggestion within it that it can be regained, that it is there waiting to be discovered.
Hope you get some feedback on sources of funding. Have you tried places like the Arts Council – just a thought.
This is really inspiring. I feel quite emotional reading what’s going on for you and the “next step”. Part of my recovery journey involved therapeutic drumming. The sense of being part of a much greater whole (something greater than yourself) was phenomenal. Don’t you just love recovery?
The “soul loss” idea is one that seems to fit my experience too. A yearning and longing somewhere inside that is not easily satisfied. And the promise of finding what you have lost. It’s hopeful.
I don’t know much about funding sources, but I do know something about paths opening up in front of you despite the challenges. They do.
Don’t be a stranger.
Yep Phil do the footwork and the funding will come Im positive, Loved reading this and its great to hear your growth through it. Keep up the good work.
Interesting,
I think that it is Stephen Bamber who refers to “discovery not recovery” & recovery as “the art of life itself”. Certainly that sense of identity is crucial to recovery.
I wish I could offer help on the funding front but you have already mentioned the majority of places I would have tried. In tameside libraries we now have a database of all the places which offer loans & grants for FE & HE courses, I don’t know if anything like this is available in the libraries in your area, but it might be worth asking. I think its a piece of software called “funding-finder” or something similar.
Most reference libraries will have books with the details of all the charities which help with the costs of education and training. Can be a bit of a pain to trawl through, but could be worth it.
Matt
Great to have you back – have missed your excellent blogs. This is more inspiration! Good luck for your search for funding. I know it’s hard work but it will be worth it.
Hello Phil
I have just read your blog and I too was particularly interested in the concept of soul loss as this is exactly how I feel at the moment and I will be doing some more research on the subject.
I had to smile when I heard that you were undertaking therepeutic drumming because it reminds me of a workshop I did several years ago on an introduction to this subject.
For me it was a very frustrating day because it took me nearly all day to get the drum to stay put between my legs – you sort of have to hold it somehow and everyone was drumming away and I was using all my energy to get the damn thing to stay still. It if gave me anything it was laughter but I know the rest of the participants found the whole day very rewarding.
Also with regard to funding like Matthew suggested I would try the library, I undertook some training at university many years ago and applied for funding. I used the library as they had lots of books that give grants for specific ideas, groups of people – I expect it is all on line now.
Good luck and hope that in the future you might be offering workshops.
Love and hugs
Sue x
Thanks for your leniency Michaela. I’ve drummed that repetitive line “Recovery is a Reality” into my head over the last few days whilst flailing myself with a wet piece of celery. I think I’ve repented enough to be able to give you some honest feedback now.
Thanks for all the advice regarding funding. I happened to check out the Arts Council website today and it seems I’m not eligible to apply for a grant through them. I did manage though to get a list of national organisations who offer grants through a link off the National Lottery website. (I don’t meet their criteria either!). It would seem a lot of the funding is on offer once I’ve trained and obtained the Diploma. Thanks for the hint on the libraries Matt. I’ll be checking that one out next. I’ll keep working at it though. I’m not giving up so easily with this one. This is definitely something that I was ‘chosen’ to do I believe at this time in my life.
It was good to see some identify with this idea of soul loss too. I’ll make further comment on that later on Susan’s blog.
Thanks again one and all.
Love and Light
xx
