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I have just finished reading ‘Mum, can you lend me twenty quid?’ by Elizabeth Burton-Phillips. Elizabeth if you read this I am in awe of you and I think you, Simon and Tony are brilliant and I wish you all the love, joy and happiness in the world.
For those of you who have not read the book, it’s a must. Every man, woman and teenager should read it. The writing style is beautifully simple and it flows through the story. The story is honest to it’s core and is full of love, anguish, horror, compassion, friendship, hopes, shattered dreams and survival.
I think every school should have it on their curriculum. Every family should read and discuss it. Every rehab and service centre should have a group reading and discussion on it.
I for one will be doing what I can in my area to spread the word and I will be putting it on my ‘to give’ list for birthday and Christmas presents.
Our stories are our strength aren’t they?
I was lucky enough to hear Elizabeth present at a ‘One Day Roller Coaster’ in Brighton a conference for parents, carers and professionals working with those in Addiction and this was before her book was published.
Elizabeths presentation was marvelous, so very moving and thought provoking and really brought a lump to my throat.
I have read her book which is equally moving but what I wanted to let everyone know is that Elizabeth is a wonderful person who has personally supported me in my grief since my son Michael died.
So as Kate has written if you are reading this Elizabeth thank you for being you, for sharing of your time and personal experience.
Sue x
Thank you for your supportive words Kato, Michaela and Sue both for spreading the word about my book and for me personally. I had hoped to respond a little sooner but I have been in Liverpool visiting a lovely family who are struggling but coping with such dignity with the loss of their precious son to heroin addiction. Both mum and dad came to DrugFAM’s first Annual Bereaved by Addiction Day in November 2009 IN High Wycombe and they kindlly invited me to their presentation about living with the loss of their son Jim.
Their presentation was a simple, honest and a poignant expression of their grief whereby they shared the joy of their sons life and the breadth and depth of their loss with friends and family. Like so many still trapped in their wildneress of pain, they are asking where do we go from here and might we be able to help others?
I am frequently asked if my grief remains so painfully intense as when I first heard of my own son’s loss and six years ago – the answer is No. The wound is no longer raw but of course it will never just evaporate and disappear and that is how it should be. It is a scar on your heart which no surgery can remove.
My own grief is a testimony to the son I loved so much, to the worth of my love for him and of course that worth, that love abides. So I own my grief and I accept that my loss now determines my identity, certainly not all of my identiy but some of it as it belongs within who I am and where I am now.
For all those of us who grieve the loss of someone to addiction we mqy frequently ask ourselves what does it mean and how can we make sense of it?
Our individual responses, just maybe, will help us with the mystery of and the permanence of the physical presence of our loved ones which have gone from the face of the earth.
Elizabeth Burton-Phillips
http://www.drugfam.co.uk
Ambassador for those bereaved by addiction
