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Sorry if it seems like I’m being a show off!
I’m just so happy with myself, because I have reached a point I thought I would never see I thought that everything I have now just wasn’t for me. It wasn’t who I was to be when I ‘grew up’. That might sound a little strange, but I started so young I don’t know how it feels to be ‘normal’. Any ideas anyone?
I have no comparison between being on heroin then meth and moving on to suboxone. I don’t feel slightly sedated any more (up at 5am), but in comparison to the meth and gear I feel straight. So is this my graduation in to ‘normalised’ life? Obviously I’m a bit wobbly, this takes some getting used to.
I’m so glad it’s Spring. I love sitting with my book outside. The sun’s so bright (but that might be the withdrawls? I don’t know), everything is clearer. I didn’t think that it was possible and a few years ago I wouldn’t have been happy if I felt anything at all. So what’s changed? Me, I’ve changed.
And it’s a bloody revelation to me. Perhaps I do over think things (my favourite pastime), but this such a huge thing. I have to remember not to become complacent. Heroin seems to be like kryptonite to so many and in this area it is everywhere. It even contaminates my family.
I have to be so careful, but I find myself getting frustrated and angry with those people who either doubt me and my sobriety or demonise me. My brother thinks I’m been brain-washed into being an anti drugs activist! And finds it funny I nearly killed myself.
I’m working on educating my kids about drugs and lifestyle and, although I have to choose very carefully and edit it accordingly, some of my life story is simply horrific. Bless ‘em, they look very shocked when I try my best to answer their questions without traumatising them!
They did a school project with the police. It was interesting the lack of information and/or mis-information (I researched my habits extensively!). This seems to be turning into a long, long rant! much love everyone x x x x x x x x x
Now then – you just bloody show off all you want as a bit of showing off never hurt anyone.
People will be on a downer with you for making different choices, but the bottom line for me that if what you are doing doesn’t work any more,and makes you feel crap, what’s the point?
So enjoy the sunshine and the flowers and being yourself.
Can’t help with the ‘normal’ bit I’m afraid!
Fanny-bloody-tastic, Lady! Normal for you is the behaviour of the unmodified self you have striven hard to be, and if others don’t feel comfortable with the changes you have made, they are not compelled so to do.
Love yourself and live YOUR life!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMazing well done and yes why not show off its a tremendous achievment well done x
Crawl then wobble then walk your path of recovery, don’t run yet, just enjoy each day on it’s own terms, good to read your new-found joy of life on it’s own terms.
Absolutely brilliant to know! Pat yourself on the back, you deserve it. Everything is brighter when your awareness is not dulled from opiates (or anything else) and have hope inside yourself. Keep on keeping on!!!
great and carry on being a show off.
I have read your blogs and you have a tough life so show off all you can and celebrate all you can.
I too love the Spring and when I look a the beautiful daffodils I will think of you bursting through the ground and blossoming as you are still a young beautiful woman with beautiful children.
Enjoy your life, enjoy your children and the sunshine.
Love and hugs you show off!!
Sue x
