Relapse: the thinking man’s problem (Part 2)

A couple of years ago, I presented a talk on addiction to a Christian conference. About half-way into it, I suddenly threw in the remark, “I bet you look at me and wonder why I’m not wearing a pair of pink tights, and strutting my stuff at Covent Garden with Darcy Bussell.”

There was some amusement – I’m sure they could think of several reasons I wasn’t pursuing a career in ballet…my advancing years and waistline, to name but two. Then I told them the real reason that I never put on the implausibly large codpiece and prance around: I’m not a ballet-dancer, because I wouldn’t consider doing it for a moment. You cannot be tempted to do something you wouldn’t even consider.

It is demonstrably true that, “The power of temptation increases in direct proportion to one’s willingness to entertain it.” When that temptation is to indulge an addiction, it rarely has to be entertained for very long.

It is equally true that you can’t be tempted to do something you wouldn’t even consider. So, is it possible to come to a place where engaging an addiction becomes something we would genuinely never give a moment’s thought to?

I believe it is. Personally, I don’t get tempted to drink from one year to the next – even momentarily – and I know others who are the same. I’m sure they could tell you how they came to that happy situation – I can only tell you how I did.

In Part 1, I mentioned that bible verse I struggled with: “No temptation has seized you except that which is common to man, and God is faithful: he will provide a way out.” After reluctantly coming to the understanding that my temptation was no big deal (until I gave it houseroom), I set about testing the second statement – that God would provide a way out.

I found that way out in an obscure one-liner from the book of Job. Job was doing what he did best – bleating. But suddenly, he throws this into the mix, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look on a young woman.” What has that got to do with chemical dependency? Absolutely everything!

Job isn’t going to wait for the next time temptation is upon him – he’s going to rule it out in advance. He’s not going to consider it for a moment. Temptation can’t overcome him, because he will not entertain it for an instant. He refuses to even think about it, even briefly, under any circumstances. And then he is truly free.

Job said he, “Made a covenant with his eyes.” A covenant is a binding agreement. He is making a binding, solemn agreement that he won’t even think about it. He’s promising himself that he won’t ever give a young lady so much as a fleeting glance.

Of course, as a Christian, I made a similar binding promise about alcohol. I made my covenant with God, that I would never give drinking alcohol a moment’s thought again. I didn’t say I wouldn’t drink, because I didn’t need to – if I wasn’t going to think about it, I wouldn’t be doing it… simple as that.

I had absolutely no idea how this was going to work in practice, but I assumed I would spend the rest of my life having to reject temptation minute by minute. It never happened like that.

I had prepared my defence in advance – I had utterly rejected the option of even thinking about booze, and so I found myself free of temptation. After all, you cannot be tempted to do something you wouldn’t even consider…. whether that’s wearing pink tights, or drinking pink gin.

Effective relapse prevention may begin with an understanding about the nature of temptation – leading to a genuine and on-going covenant/commitment never to allow it houseroom again. Comfortable, sustainable sobriety and freedom from drugs is the natural product of this.

Far too many people struggle on a daily basis to maintain their sobriety against temptation, and the quality of that sobriety is sometimes so poor that one wonders where they find the will to continue. It’s ruthless self-discipline, rather than true freedom.

I sometimes talk to such people. They generally have no difficulty in understanding the principles on which temptation works, nor how it needs to be dealt with. Then they might say something to the effect that a covenant is OK for a Christian like me, but where does it leave others?

It leaves others exactly where it left Job! Job might have been in a relationship with God, but that played no role in his covenant.

He built a solid defence against temptation by making a covenant with his eyes – he effectively agreed with himself that he would never even think about it again. He freed himself from the possibility of enslavement to lust and temptation, merely by refusing to give it a single thought.

Temptation always has to have something to work on. I suspect somewhere deep in each person who relapses (or even each person who is routinely tempted) there is still the notion that there are some circumstances in which they would use again…. and that is all the invitation temptation needs.

Personally, I have a great deal of respect for anyone who stops using, however they do it, and irrespective of the quality of the freedom they enjoy. As a matter of fact, I’m especially impressed with those who struggle to maintain sobriety when the temptation is seemingly endless – I don’t think I could do that. But though I admire their courage and persistence, I would still like to see them truly overcome.

It’s a quality of life issue. The difference between those who struggle – and those who enjoy their sobriety – often comes down to nothing more than how they have understood temptation….and what they have done about it.

Tom

Part 1